Philandering Politicians’ Wives Finally Speak Out

CROSS CITY, FL – The heroic wives of lying, cheating, adultering politicians endure, usually silent, stoic, and homebound, keeping the peace for the good of the children and the country. Only recently, after the latest sordid news conferences reporting yet more politicians’ extramarital misdeeds, have the wronged wives finally begun to react publicly. So numerous now are their ranks that they’ve banded together to form the Wives of American Political Philanderers (WAPP). They include Sanford, Spitzer, Clinton, Edwards, and Ensign, to name just a few.

These women of WAPP got together for their inaugural meeting this past weekend at the Olde Dill Doe Run Resort to discuss their husbands’ despicable actions, provide each other with love, support, and encouragement, and attempt to pinpoint causes so as to perhaps prevent future infidelities in other male politicians. Although all discussions were held behind closed doors under strict confidentiality, the women did close the session with the following statement:

The histories that led each of us here to form WAPP display remarkable similarities. The early years with our husbands were completely normal, with love, children, and sexual relations absolutely ordinary. As our husbands’ political ambitions, accomplishments, and power began to grow, they physically began to change. With each higher electoral office attained, their bodies changed more and more. Of course we noticed, but we kept quiet and coped as best we could.

But once they reached high office--governor, senator, president--the end was near. For all, their testicles had grown enormous, baseball-sized, but the penis had shriveled to almost nothing. The blood supply to fuel those huge balls obviously came at the expense of their brains. Aware that they could no longer please us sexually, intimate relations with our spouses came to an abrupt halt.

Angry, embarrassed, whatever, our politician husbands then began to look outside of the marriage for excitement. With their power, money, and frequent travel away from home, finding young, attractive women to seduce was easy. By lavishing these women with gifts, attention, and travel to exotic locations, they soon became mistresses, although the sex couldn’t have been fulfilling. Still, the thrill of the chase kept the men going, and the women couldn’t pass up the easy luxuries. Eventually, though, they got caught. They always get caught.

Our message to the young politicians’ wives out there is this – GET OUT! Get out now while you still can and while you still have your dignity. Don’t wind up married to a dickless old lying, cheating S.O.B. like each of us.

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