Humor Volcano's store commemorates a tragic day in fake news history.

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PARADISE, FL – Although reduced to charred, blackened bones, the remains found last Wednesday night after a massive car fire atop Mount Bliss have been positively identified by investigators as Sam Giddy, married, age 55, a Paradise native. Reported missing that same day by co-workers at WTF Inc., Giddy was believed by everyone who ever knew him to be the happiest man in the whole wide world. Nicknamed Smilin’ Sammy for his perennial grin and unbelievably upbeat attitude, authorities nevertheless claim that his death was a suicide.

As a research engineer, Giddy was a tinkerer, incredibly gifted with his hands and able to build gadgets to accomplish almost anything. After his missing person report was filed, inspectors went to WTF to examine his research logs for possible clues. They found that the final few pages of his notes were scribbled under the curious heading “B.S. Detector.” Giddy’s fellow WTF researchers denied any knowledge of such a project, concluding that this was yet another of his pie-in-the-sky playthings. Sadly, it was in those pages that the tragic Giddy story unfolded.

“ ‘Gripe and complain. It’s all B.S. Moan and groan. Nothing but B.S. Every word from the bosses is B.S., B.S., and more B.S.’ That’s all people talk about around here at WTF anymore,” Smilin’ Sammy had written. “Don’t understand. Am happy. Love job. Will try to build B.S. detector to show co-workers have wrong attitude. End negativity. Want everybody happy.” Although he recorded only scant details, Giddy apparently then did indeed successfully build a miniature, portable lie detection device which fit in a pocket and gathered data via a tiny probe in the smiley face pin he always wore.

Giddy’s next entry read, “Beta Test—Topper.” Smilin’ Sammy cleverly tested his hidden B.S. detector invention on a fellow researcher secretly but widely referred to as Topper, because Topper could top any story anyone could ever tell—a virtual living fountain of B.S. Giddy wrote, “Asked Topper about his kids, recorded data. Later played back audio. Detector needle pegged at maximum B.S. level. Works as expected.”

The next entry was from last Monday. “Negative control test—truth and honesty a given. Wore detector during year-end performance review with manager. Boss gushed with compliments & praised my accomplishments. Swore of my high value at WTF. Played back after. Lies. All lies. In shock. Only honest comment was, ‘Nasty weather outside.’ Stunned.”

Giddy’s final entries came last Tuesday. “Forgot and wore detector home last night. Wife got home 2 hours late, happens often. Asked her about delay. ‘Last minute deadlines, bad traffic, window shopping.’ Just now played back. Can’t believe. All B.S. My own wife.”

Paradise authorities conclude that Smilin’ Sammy Giddy, the World’s Happiest Man, suddenly snapped. The final words in his WTF log read, “B.S. detector bad. Must destroy. Then happy.”

12.15.09