Wall Street, Economic Meltdown a Deliberate Hoax

PARADISE LOST, FL – Bernie Madoff’s confession was just the tip of the Hindenberg. Federal investigators working to untangle Madoff’s web of lies, fraud, and financial deception now say that the entire 2008-2009 severe worldwide economic recession was deliberately precipitated by Uncle Bernie and a few of his Wall Street comrades.

U.S. government authorities further disclosed today that the entire Wall Street stock market is, in fact, a hoax, with all stock prices completely manipulated by these few NYSE and NASDAQ insiders entirely for their personal enrichment. For two decades these financial robber barons used sophisticated computer programs to generate the appearance of a normally functioning stock market and its daily buying and selling. In truth, none of it was real, just fictitious paper gains and losses as fake as a pair of Hollywood 38GGGs.

All the real stock market dollars went directly into King-size mattresses in the non-antibiotic-fed yachts, albino-pygmy-built French villas, and private Fantasy islands around the world of Madoff and four of his cronies. Only enough money flowed back out to give the appearance that a fortunate few were making profits.

By fall 2008, the greed of these unscrupulous leaders finally grew out of control. The enormous stock market crashes of October 2008 and February 2009 were entirely fabricated—a convenient way for these five leeches to withdraw untold billions from the system into their own pockets. They knew that Americans are financial idiots who are used to losing money, so they made U.S. stockholders lose big.

The Feds say this stock market hoax could have continued for decades, with artificial crashes instituted every 5 to 10 years, as in the past, allowing these perpetrators to regularly collect their enormous windfalls. Had not Bernie Madoff become the first member of the cadre to crack, this Wall Street ruse would have continued unabated.

The question of the day is what made these five tick? A Madoff high school ex-girlfriend believes his greed was compensation for teenage Bernie getting regularly pounded at Monopoly by her wise-ass then-7-year-old brother. "Timmy used to make B.M., as he called him, beg for Monopoly loans and pay interest in real cash." Madoff, himself, still refuses to admit anything beyond his initial confession.

Madoff’s now incarcerated compatriots have been only slightly more talkative. NASDAQ Chairman Alan K. Pone and his computer whiz pal Bugsy Gambino admitted their greed was to support a shared mistress with very expensive tastes because, "She was a very good lay." NYSE Chairman Clyde Dillinger said he needed lots of money and expensive things to prove to his mother (dead for 17 years) that he wasn’t a sissy-boy lollipop-sucking loser. Dillinger’s technical associate, Bonnie Siegel, said she simply needed to buy shoes and have big enough places to keep them because "I didn’t have no shoes as a young'un in West Virginia."

U.S. authorities now admit that all the money that flowed into the Wall Street stock market over the past 20 years, including every American’s 401(k) retirement fund, is gone, gone, gone. Only those non-investors who hid cash in cookie jars and jugs buried in backyards will emerge from this monumental hoax unscathed. For everyone else, SURPRISE, you’re broke and have no future, thanks to Uncle Bernie and pals.

06.10.09