Hollywood Starlets Go Commando in Afghanistan

THE PENTAGON – General Seymore Beaver, head of the Army’s Special Operations Unit, today announced the launch of a new, brazenly offensive campaign against the Taliban in Afghanistan. The Army plans to take advantage of America’s vast numbers of Hollywood starlets’ propensity to go commando, under the cover of darkness, directly into this nation’s hottest spots, induce mayhem, yet emerge completely unscathed. The general believes that the unit of these commando women will enthusiastically and strategically deliver a devastating blow to the enemy.

“Bringing these commando privates out every midnight to face the Taliban, we’re certain will lure those pricks out into the open. These commando ladies — everybody knows they to do their best work at night — will then pound those weenies into a limp pulp,” General Beaver gushed. “It’ll be ballsy, over before you know it, and our girls will come out on top. They always do.”

The general then went on to predict a rapid end to the entire war against the Taliban once this exquisite weapon is exposed. “When those enemy boys get a good look at this elite squad of commando privates, they’ll completely lose it. Totally lose all desire to fight against us. Just lay down right there, begging for a lasting peace. Hell, those Tali-whackers’ll then wanna fight on our side, join our commandos. Sumbitch, we shoulda thought this up years ago.”

On a related note, the number of volunteers enlisting into the Army Special Ops has skyrocketed since the formation of the Starlet Commando Unit. Go Army!

07.09.09

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