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Iraq Elects Saddam Hussein Body-Double
In Surprise Presidential Election


BAGHDAD, IRAQ - The People's Republic of Iraq celebrated its first day after the American military pull-out from its major cities by holding a surprise Presidential election today. The quickly assembled ballot contained twelve candidate names, including incumbent President Jalal Talabani, who was heavily favored to be re-elected.

Campaigning was limited to a live half-hour nationally televised program shown at 7:30 a.m. this morning, with each candidate given two minutes to present his platform. Following the impassioned speeches by the dozen Presidential contenders, doors to the polls opened at precisely 8 o'clock throughout the country.

Turnout to the special election was massive, with 98% of the registered voters appearing to cast their ballots. In a remarkable sign of the newfound stability of the Republic in the post-U.S. occupation era, not a single incidence of violence or voting disruption was reported.

The surprise winner, having captured a whopping 99% of the ballots cast, was Hussein S. Hussein, whose entire prior public record consisted of a handful of appearances as previous President Saddam Hussein's lookalike body-double. Hussein celebrated his stunning victory by riding through the streets of Baghdad atop an Iraqi army tank, wearing a full military uniform, and periodically firing a rifle into the air.  Literally millions of adoring Iraqis filled the broad boulevards to catch a glimpse of their new leader.  Excitement was palpable, with the joyous throngs shouting, "Death to America!"

President-Elect H.S. Hussein

Hussein S. Hussein, shown during his victory parade following
today's special Presidential election

The state-run newspaper, The Iraq Enquirer, just released the first official photograph of President-Elect Hussein, shown above, taken during this afternoon's victory parade.

07.01.09

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