Saddam Hussein Body-Double Wins Iraq Election

BAGHDAD, IRAQ - The People's Republic of Iraq celebrated its first day after the American military pull-out from its major cities by holding a surprise Presidential election today. The quickly assembled ballot contained twelve candidate names, including incumbent President Jalal Talabani, who was heavily favored to be re-elected.

Campaigning was limited to a live half-hour nationally televised program shown at 7:30 a.m. this morning, with each candidate given two minutes to present his platform. Following the impassioned speeches by the dozen Presidential contenders, doors to the polls opened at precisely 8 o'clock throughout the country.

Turnout to the special election was massive, with 98% of the registered voters appearing to cast their ballots. In a remarkable sign of the newfound stability of the Republic in the post-U.S. occupation era, not a single incidence of violence or voting disruption was reported.

The surprise winner, having captured a whopping 99% of the ballots cast, was Hussein S. Hussein, whose entire prior public record consisted of a handful of appearances as previous President Saddam Hussein's lookalike body-double. Hussein celebrated his stunning victory by riding through the streets of Baghdad atop an Iraqi army tank, wearing a full military uniform, and periodically firing a rifle into the air.  Literally millions of adoring Iraqis filled the broad boulevards to catch a glimpse of their new leader.  Excitement was palpable, with the joyous throngs shouting, "Death to America!"

Hussein S. Hussein, shown during his victory parade following
today's special Presidential election

The state-run newspaper, The Iraq Enquirer, just released the first official photograph of President-Elect Hussein, shown above, taken during this afternoon's victory parade.

07.01.09

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