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U.S. Outsourcing Military to India in Budget Move

Conan Sacker Jeff Sucker Chosen New Wall Street Regulator

Top Scientists Propose Easy Global Warming Fix: White Paint

Cjeese Danish Insurgency Plot During Denmark Global Warming Conference Fails

Dubai Soon to be Renamed Dubya After George Bush Provides Financial Bailout

OSHA Threatens NFL Over Rampant Injuries, Flags Future Football

Banking, Wall Street Reform Bill Passes, Allows Armed Customers

Ultra-Green Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Toilet Paper, Actually Demonstrate Alternatives

G20 Pittsburgh 2009: Highlights and Horror

Prostitution Legalized Across U.S., Spitzer Spearheads Market Penetration

Obama Speech Sells Schoolchildren on Hard Work, Aging, Death

Dumb Stunt Leads Sixth-Grader to Nobel Prize

Landfill Expansion Into Resort Mountain is Delaware’s Big Dream

Bookies Win Big as Delaware Loses Sports Betting Appeal

Delaware Finally Implements Sales Tax, All 27 Residents Flee

Town Meeting Terror Upon Obama Witchdoctor Prank

Gung-Ho U.S. Government Green Guideline: Goats

‘Bucks for Babies’ Stimulus Program Born

Liposuction, Bacterium to Cure U.S. Addiction to Foreign Oil

Sniffing the Trail of Sarah Palin’s “Higher Calling”

Philandering Politicians’ Wives Finally Speak Out

Iraq Elects Saddam Hussein Body-Double in Surprise Presidential Election

UN Orders North Korean Dictator to Charm School

Delaware to Expand Slots Betting to Within an Easy Reach for All

Delaware Launches Public Gambling Skills Enhancement Program to Support New Sports Betting Law

New DEA Target in War on Drugs: Users' Brains

Bill Completes Separation of Church and State, Thank God

Indians Recapture Central US, Aim West

Delaware Invaded, Loses Statehood to Puerto Rico

Republican Party Promotes Sex Orgies to Save the Social Security System

U.S. Economy Expected to Surge to Extreme Highs Following Marijuana Legalization

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