Phillies' Myers Injured at Punkfest

CITIZEN'S BANK PARK - Philadelphia Phillies star starting pitcher Brett Myers, just reported to need season-ending hip surgery, was actually injured while slam-dancing at a recent Punkfest concert, our sources say.

After leaving the mound grimacing in pain during Wednesday night's game, Myers proceeded to be examined by two specialists, both of whom recommended urgent surgical repair on the right hip.  Although Myers tried to explain his injury as pitching-related in order to qualify for Workman's Compensation benefits, our insiders describe a far different scenario.

Regular patrons of the Mojo 13 punk rock dance club in Wilmington, Delaware know Myers to be a fanatic slam-dancer who spends nights during homestands throwing himself with reckless abandon into hordes of crashing bodies, padded furniture, and the occasional plate-glass window. 

Apparently, this past Tuesday night at Mojo 13's summer kickoff blowout concert, Myers was body-slammed by Axl Slash, a 375 lb. pansy florist.  The contact sent Myers flying over the alligator-infested dance floor moat and hip-first into the wall of piranha-filled aquariums.  Fortunately, the glass didn't break upon the impact, but Myers' hip apparently did.

Still totally groovin' to the Mutant Nuclear Waste band's awesome music, Myers returned to the dance floor and pogoed until closing.  Perhaps still on a hi-amperage, music-fueled high, Myers went on and took the mound for Wednesday night's game still feeling no pain and nearly deaf.

Finally, in the sixth inning, his dance music ecstasy numbness wore off, and he suddenly found himself unable to continue.  His injury loss to the Phillies is Mojo 13's gain, however, as his 12 week rehab will allow him to be guest scream-jay for the rest of the summer.  Rock on!

05.31.09

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