Town Meeting Terror Upon Obama Witchdoctor Prank

SHREE, KS – A town hall meeting led by President Obama ended abruptly yesterday after his impromptu comedic Swahili witchdoctor impersonation backfired, triggering total bedlam and causing dozens of attendees to require urgent medical treatment. Thirteen senior citizens remain hospitalized following heart attacks, eighteen were treated for severe cuts and bruises, and another six suffered broken bones.

Clearly weary following weeks as the target of John and Jane Q. Public’s screams and hysterics over such topics as nationalized healthcare, death committees, and his true country of birth, President Obama yesterday decided to have a little fun. After calmly responding to the ninth ranting, shouting, foaming-at-the-mouth-angry questioner at this AARP-sponsored event, Obama tried to inject a little levity and break the tense mood.

Stating, “Here’s what our new National Health Plan will look like,” the President briefly disappeared from view, bending behind the large podium. He then leaped out wearing a witchdoctor mask with feathered headdress, an animal tooth necklace, holding a spear in one hand, a long staff topped with a fake pygmy head in the other, and began dancing and chanting in Swahili. Unfortunately, rather than a response of hysterical laughter from the crowd, his prank instead induced mass hysteria. Bodies, keeling over from fright, hit the gymnasium floor in droves, while screaming, terrified others stampeded for the exits, trampling anyone in the way.

Following the mayhem, a shaken Barack Obama apologized to those few remaining in the audience. “Sorry about that, folks. My healthcare plan apparently still needs a little refinement.”

08.18.09

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