Novice Lumberjack Fells Tree Onto Own House

MAISON DU FOU, QUEBEC - Long time unemployed chemist Jacques Rasoir attempted to launch a new profession, lumberjacking, by felling an enormous white oak tree growing behind his house yesterday.  With only a few home-run swings of his trusty hatchet, Molly, Rasoir succeeded in quickly bringing down the mighty hundred-plus year old specimen.

With a thrilling CCRRAACCKK, the towering pillar crashed to the earth, shaking the very ground on which he stood.  Amazed at the power unleashed by his so-called arms of steel, he shouted to stunned onlookers, "Piece of cake.  This is so easy."  He then burst into song, "Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay....*"

Shown above, just after the felling, Rasoir stands proudly in front of his downed quarry like a hunter with a prized rack of antlers.

Of course, merely felling the tree is only the first part of the process. And in this case, a surprise awaited Rasoir at the other end of the tree.

Unfortunately, the wanna-be lumberjack's house did not fare very well, as many main upper branches crashed onto the roof and rear wall. Windows were broken, gutters trashed, shingles destroyed, and the exterior air conditioning unit, not pictured, was knocked into next week.

Rear view of Rasoir's damaged house.

Rasoir today received an estimate that several thousand dollars worth of repairs will be required to undo the damage to his home.

To his credit, Rasoir remains extremely upbeat following this rather shaky initial foray into lumberjacking. "Just a minor miscalculation on my part. I was actually aiming closer to my neighbor's house," he admitted. Still, given the size of the downed tree, Rasoir will have sufficient firewood to last a few generations. Of course, with Molly as his only tool, it may take him generations just to chop it up into useable logs.

With this initial tree felled in this new career, Rasoir is now confidently awaiting calls from other homeowners needing tree removal. Phone operators are standing by.

06.28.09

(*Of course, this reference is to the classic Monty Python skit.)