Larry Bowa Has In-Game Seizure, Head Explodes

PHILADELPHIA - Los Angeles Dodgers third base coach Larry Bowa, a long time Philadelphia Phillies player and coach, in the eighth inning of Tuesday night's game with the Phillies suffered a massive head explosion which left him a babbling, drooling vegetable.

As Bowa watched from his dugout, Phillies outfielder Jason Werth first stole second base, then third base.  Angry at his team for failure to combat the blatant thievery, Bowa blew a gasket and screamed horrible obscenities at his players, questioning their sexuality, IQ, parentage, and offending everyone within 100 yards.  When Werth then stole home to put the Dodgers further in the hole, Bowa became apoplectic and witnesses say his head exploded.

Only the quick action of the dugout attendants, applying massive quantities of chewing tobacco to Bowa's eyes, ears, nose, and mouth, managed to stop the bleeding and save his life.  Bowa was left, sadly, a full-grown infant.

Doctors do expect Bowa to make a complete recovery, provided that he completely avoid the excitement, stress, and humiliation of playing the Phillies again at Citizen's Bank Park.

05.14.09

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