LPGA to Beg DuPont for Return to Delaware

BULLY RUNS COUNTRY CLUB, HAVRE DE DISGRACE, MD – LPGA tour officials now admit that moving the McDonald’s LPGA Championship out of Delaware to nearby Maryland in 2005 was a totally brain-dead mistake on their part.  Even worse than when they got caught romping nude in a Mickey D’s playground after hours while lathered up with special sauce.

The just completed 2009 Championship tournament in MD attracted a total spectator attendance of 12 people and a net profit/donation to the Ronald McDonald House Charities of $24.96, a precipitous drop from its earlier $2 million tourneys at the DuPont Country Club in Wilmington, DE.

Humbled and ashamed, tourney co-founders Frank Quinn and Herb Lotman were seen last night wearing disguises and hitchhiking up the Delaware Turnpike toward DuPont headquarters to beg forgiveness and plead to bring the LPGA back to Delaware.

Having stated, back in 2004, that support for the tournament from DuPont and Wilmington area sponsors was waning, Quinn and Lotman then moved the LPGA Championship to Havre De Disgrace, MD, expecting a financial explosion. The five Bully Runs years, in response, delivered increasingly pathetic results, not even a financial burp.

When this year’s crowds consisted of a family of four whose car broke down nearby on I-95, and eight Spaniards expecting to be chased by angry toros, the LPGA knew they’d blown it big time. That’s when the LPGA brass put thumbs out toward Wilmington.

Although still pissed at being stiffed since 2005, DuPont officials, nevertheless, welcome the opportunity to once again host this LPGA major. Having recently completed a wall-to-wall upgrade of their Country Club course, DuPont is confident the LPGA will love to play here again. “With our new Kevlar-hybrid grass, the course will be the ultimate test in toughness, as a major championship should be. We’ll find out which of these ladies has hair on their chests,” said Chad Holliday, DuPont Chairman.

DuPont also eagerly anticipates hosting the 2010 LPGA Championship as the perfect opportunity to showcase its new Tyvek line of golf fashions. Ever the safety-conscious company, DuPont guarantees that their one-piece long-sleeve, long-leg jumper with attached golf gloves and bootie-golf-spikes will fully protect the golfer from the cesspools of fertilizers, insecticides, and herbicides that contaminate the majority of golf courses. Plus it comes in three eye-catching colors: nuclear meltdown orange, radioactive yellow, and toxic waste green.

Looks like a long and fruitful remarriage of the LPGA Championship and the DuPont Country Club is in the offing. Let’s hope that both of these ladies golf parties have balls enough to pull it off and go the distance this time.

06.15.09