Have Nots Finally Upset Haves But Lose Victory Party

COUNTY STADIUM - In a grudge match for the ages, last night the scrappy, barefoot, rag-tag but quite determined Have Nots over-40 soccer team upset the cigar-eating, champagne-smoking, caviar-swilling and heavily favored Haves squad by a score of 6 to 1.

The totally embarrassed and outclassed Haves players, not accustomed to being on the receiving end of such a sound spanking, were last observed sulking off the field, bawling to their mommies on their Blackberrys, while struggling to find their Rolls Royces through tear-filled eyes.

The ecstatic Have Nots and their supporters then helped themselves to the fully catered, open bar feast left behind when the sorry Haves losers abandoned their own après-match soirée in the field-side climate-controlled tent.

Unfortunately, after an hour of gluttonous eating, alcohol chugging, and lusty dancing, the delirious Have Nots’ stomachs rebelled and the non-antibiotic fed foie gras, free-range post-grad-educated smoked salmon, and sparkling Jaegermeister were rather inelegantly spewed all around the premises. The staggering, unnaturally green Have Nots at that instant swore that vengeance would be theirs next year, for although they had won the war, they lost the victory celebration.

07.16.09