Goats Gung-Ho Green Government Guideline

LA CHEVRE, WI – Finally initiating bold action against global warming and pollution, President Obama yesterday signed a bill requiring that all grassy areas on U.S. Government property be tended by gaggles of hungry goats rather than the ubiquitous smoke-spewing lawnmowers. The EPA immediately praised the move, saying that the earth’s atmosphere will rapidly benefit by such completely natural grass cutting, not to mention the welcome reduction in noise pollution. A second bill, calling for cows to replace American homeowners’ lawnmowers, is expected to pass when Congress reconvenes after this month’s recess.

Said President Obama, “These pieces of Green Initiative legislation show the world that the United States is serious about global warming. By replacing all the pollution- and greenhouse gas-belching lawnmowers in this great nation with 100% natural goats and, hopefully, cows, we’re setting a high standard for other nations to follow. Plus, we’ll get milk, cheese, fertilizer, and eventually, freezers full of steaks for free.”

Next up on the Congressional Green Agenda, horses to replace cars.

08.01.09