‘Flying AIDS Vaccinator’ Engineered Mosquito Gains Teeth

SAN FRANCISCO – One of mankind’s most insidious diseases, AIDS, could soon become a thing of the past thanks to cutting-edge biogenetic engineering research and meaty financial backing from gay porn big-shots. Once a near-certain death sentence, scientists now say the disease could be completely eradicated simply by unleashing a world-wide swarm of super-mosquitos endowed with AIDS-preventing antibodies.

With its very existence having been seriously threatened by the AIDS outbreak in the 1980s, the gay porn industry was then forced to film intercourse with condom-wearing actors. When their video and magazine sales subsequently softened, industry investors concluded that the condoms had to go. That’s when the gay porn kingpins began pumping enormous wads of money into the development of an AIDS vaccine hoping for a scientific breakthrough, a rapid end to the condom requirement, and comely profits once again.

Recognizing that huge sums of money could be made with a successful anti-AIDS vaccine, pharmaceutical and biotech companies everywhere eagerly jumped headlong into the action. Despite a solid and well-lubricated research effort, however, all traditional vaccination approaches over the next two-plus decades unfortunately failed to deliver.

Failed, that is, until just last week, when San Francisco based Pest BioManipulators announced the early stage success of their highly unconventional biogenetically engineered mosquito ‘flying vaccination’ technique. Both laboratory rats and feral cats, after being bitten by the modified mosquitos, were found completely protected when subsequently injected with all known strains of the AIDS virus. Further research on higher species is doggedly being pursued, with human testing predicted for this fall.

Since mosquitos are physically hardy, fast flyers, and prolific breeders, rapid production and dissemination of an Earth-covering swarm will be fall down-go boom easy, once the human clinical trials are successfully completed. The bioengineered vaccinator mosquitos would then be introduced to swampy areas around the world, as well as into targeted mass gatherings, such as gay pride parades, world cup soccer matches, and political conventions.

Within a few short weeks the Earth’s entire population will have been bitten and AIDS immunized, and the horrible disease will gloriously disappear into the history books. And, critically, the gay porn industry, which made it all possible, will at long last be able to throw away their condoms, film with reckless abandon, and once again revel in an orgiastic gusher of money.

03.20.10