PIGS HOLLER, SC – The Most Holy Reverend Buford Billy-Bobb, pastor of Heaven’s On-Ramp, the largest Baptist church in the South, vehemently declared the popular Internet social networking website Facebook to be the modern handiwork of The Devil Himself in a fiery sermon last Sunday.

His voice cracking with anger and hostile spittle showering worshipers in the first two rows, the Reverend attacked Facebook for planting impure, unholy, and yes, even salacious images and ideas into the minds of otherwise morally upstanding, churchgoing citizens. He claimed that Facebook was marching people straight off The Lord’s righteous path and into Beelzebub’s eternal inferno of hedonism and sin.

Preacher Billy-Bobb then implored his congregation to cleanse their souls and send Satan straight back to Hell, along with his Facebook app of evil, by throwing their home computers into a Holy Bonfire to be held in the church parking lot this Saturday night.

Or, if not, at least to drive the Devil from their hard drives by immediately deleting their Facebook accounts, making a pact with The Lord never to go back, and getting down on their knees and begging The Almighty God in Heaven for His forgiveness for their having used Facebook at all.

When questioned after the service exactly how Facebook was responsible for causing unholy behaviors, the Reverend continued his tirade. “Grown people, happily married for years and houses full of God’s beautiful, innocent children, get on Facebook and look up old school friends. Boyfriends, girlfriends, and other classmates they wish they’d been all huggy-kissy-face with way back when. And ‘cause Facebook reaches everywhere, just like the Devil, bingo, they find ‘em. Even ones they’d forgotten about after all those years. And just like that, that mean old Satan starts filling their heads with long lost, horrible, soul-destroying ideas of lust, of secret rendezvous, of infidelity. ADULTERY! God will smite these heinous sinners with an eternal vengeance most painful! Facebook must be destroyed before Satan takes even more!”

The curious worshiper went home and, for fun, Googled the Most Holy Reverend Buford Billy-Bobb on her laptop. She quickly recoiled in horror when, right there on Google hit page one, she spotted a link to Reverend Billy-Bobb on Facebook. She screamed, “Oh God, no! It’s the Devil! He’s right here!”

03.18.10