Dubai Renamed Dubya After Bush Financial Bailout

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates – Saying that he always wanted to be a cowboy in a white hat and “do somethin’ help-like,” former United States President George W. Bush yesterday rode to Dubai’s financial rescue by agreeing to loan the Middle East city-state $3.5 billion to meet its substantial near-term debt payments. In so helping Dubai avoid the horrible fate of bankruptcy and complete loss of international respect, all Mr. Bush requested in return was that the country rename itself “Dubya” after his good-old-boy nickname and build its next man-made island resort in a W-shape big enough to be seen from space, "Texas big."

The ex-President confirmed the bailout news from his albino jackalope and chinchilla ranch in Cooty, Texas shortly following Dubai’s surprise announcement. “Had all this money just sittin’ in the barn from my old days as an oil rancher. Couldn't spend none when I was Commander in Cheese. But now I'm as free as a bull in China, so I can do whatever I want. When Dubai got in money trouble, I started thinkin.’ What better place to invest but the Texas Tea capital of the world over there in the Middle Kingdom? I like tea. And to show 'em there’s no hard feelin’s, ya know.”

Dubai’s ruling emirs were thrilled to accept Mr. Bush’s money and happy to meet his terms. “Dubai, Dubya. Sounds pretty much the same to us. As for the island, W in Arabic is common shorthand for “Death to the infidels,” so we’re OK with that as well. Plus, we like things big here too,” said Sheik Mohammed from his penthouse conference room of the world’s tallest building, the Burj Dubai.

Since the bailout announcement, feedback around the Gulf region has been quite vocal. Residents throughout the Mid-East are nearly unanimously calling for the former President to deliver the money in person so that they might properly pay him their deepest respects directly. So excited are the locals in anticipation of a George W. Bush visit that they’re already buying new clothes for the event. Shoe sales, in particular, have exploded at malls all around the area. Spontaneous rallies also broke out in several Gulf cities this afternoon, with joyous crowds deliriously shouting heartfelt wishes for Mr. Bush.

With his magnanimous act, and by asking so little in return, George W. Bush has ignited feelings of unfathomable warmth throughout the Gulf region. His legacy, as a result, is certain to be deeply felt in the area for a long time to come. Boy howdy, Dubya’s shore done his self proud this time. Yee-ha.

12.01.09