UN Orders North Korean Dictator to Charm School

NEW YORK, NY – The United Nations Security Council announced today that North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-il will be ordered to the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm in Valium, Idaho for behavioral training. Clearly growing tired of Jong-il’s constant threats and bickering, the UN likens him to an old chihuahua with a nasty disposition. “He’s just like a crabby, ill-tempered little dog, always snarling, growling, and snapping, trying to act big and get attention,” said Dutch council member Lucille VanPelt.

After Jong-il’s threat last week to meet outsider aggression into North Korea with a “thousand-fold retaliation, merciless military strike,” the UN had finally had enough. Charles Brown, US council spokesman, said, “Good grief. He’s way out of control. We’ll just gonna have to put Kim through the same obedience training as the other dogs.”

The UN is confident that a couple of weeks at Daisy Hill, with its rigorous rewards-based behavioral training, will convert the North Korean Dictator into a calm, well-behaved leader willing to cooperate and play well with others. “It’s amazing what a pat on a fuzzy little head and a tasty treat will do to reinforce good behavior. We’re eager for him to get started,” said Chinese council member Peeg Pen.

UN representatives do admit, however, that getting Jong-il to Daisy Hill may be difficult. “That Kim is a wild one. He may need to be tracked down, sedated with a dart gun, muzzled, and caged for safe transportation,” said German representative Linus Schroeder. “But we have to do this to make the world a better place for everybody.”

06.29.09

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