Delaware Invaded, Loses Statehood to Puerto Rico

DOVER - Under the cover of the midday sun, three men, Carlos Rubba and brothers Javier and Fernando Dubb captured the state capital of Delaware yesterday without a fight and immediately declared it to be a territory of the new American state of Puerto Rico.

While DE state authorities, led by Gov. Jack Markell, were in Las Vegas learning the intricacies of sports gambling, the three entrepreneurs from Puerto Rico came ashore at Kitts Hummock in a converted bathtub.  Quickly slogging their way through fields of chicken feathers and manure, the men arrived to find Dover completely deserted.  Originally intending merely to set up a trade agreement for their new Puerto Rican Rum, they seized upon the opportunity, planted their Rum Runner flag on the steps of the Capital, and declared themselves in control.

At that fateful moment, Delaware ceased to be a U.S. state and was immediately replaced by Puerto Rico.  Instantly hailed as heroes back home, hordes of people there filled the streets gleefully shouting, "Rubba, Dubb, Dubb. Three men in a tub. Made us a state, si, si! The brewer, the distiller, the yummy rum bottler. At last, rich Yankees we’ll be.

05.13.09