All 27 Residents Flee
As Delaware Finally Implements Sales Tax

SMYRNA, DE – As the “Mother-of-All-Recessions” dragged into the fall of 2009, the State of Delaware, faced with a severe budget shortfall despite already having chainsawed services to the bone, on Friday did the previously unthinkable: passed a law instituting a sales tax on all goods and services in the state. First State residents, well known to be an ornery, rebellious bunch, responded by piling into their jacked-up, shotgun-toting mini-vans and tricked-out tractors and storming out of the state.

In a thundering, honking, cursing caravan 15 vehicles long, on Sunday afternoon all 27 Delaware residents showed their vehement displeasure at the new tax by fleeing the state. Of course, the renegade convoy was held up for two hours in line at the I-95 toll plaza, then required to fork over a “scandalous amount” one last time on their way out. Plus extra for the outhouse trailers.

“We’ll show them greedy guvermunt gougers,” said farmer Peter P. Pumpkineater from atop his John Deere. “We’z just not gonna take it no more.” When asked where they were going, no one in the exit parade would say. Rumor is that they’re heading for Alaska, one of the few U.S. states still with no sales tax. There’s not much chicken growin’ competition in Alaska, we hear. Not much guvermunt, neither.

08.24.09