New Crotch-Flap Pants Hot Sellers in Cold Climates

NUMB, Alaska - Tired of freezing your buns off after dropping your pants to use the bathroom? Snaps-A-Go-Go, inspired by the butt-flap union suit, has just the thing. Their new crotch-flap pants, which combine the warmth and comfort of sweatpants with strategic easy access, are now the hottest selling clothing item in cold weather areas across the globe. Popular with both sexes, and especially women, this must-have winter fashion item allows the wearer to perform all necessary toilet operations while exposing only the barest minimum of flesh to cold air and icy porcelain seats.

Made from the warmest fleece in a variety of attractive colors, the essential design feature of these pants is the quick-release flap system. The wearer merely unsnaps the two crotch-front flap corners, pulls the flap to the rear, and re-snaps the flap above the seat pockets. Just a pop, pop, snap, snap and the user is ready for business. Of course, proper use of these pants does require that the wearer go commando—no underwear. But that’s a small price to pay to keep so much tender flesh warm and goosebump-free when nature calls.

Cold weather customers have also reported a fabulous secondary benefit of these crotch-flap warm-up pants—sex. When winter’s nip is in the air, a sexual romp need no longer be forced into the confining darkness, naked and shivering beneath multiple heavy blankets. Both partners’ naughty bits can come out to play anytime, anywhere with a quick pop, pop, snap, snap while the rest of the body stays nice and toasty. No blankets needed. And guys, get your lady the special Bootie model with attached double-thick socks. You’ll never again have to suffer her icy cold feet.

Available all winter at your local department store and kinky sex toy shop.

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