Cjeese Danish Rebellion Fails

COPENHAGEN – While the eyes of the world were focused on Denmark’s capital city for this week’s International Conference on Global Warming, a little-known Danish secessionist group holding a massive grudge believed the time was finally perfect to launch a break-away from the Danish Kingdom—literally. The group, from the small mainland Denmark hamlet of Cjeese, last night at 2 a.m. triggered a series of massive explosions all along the natural fault line forming the Jutland peninsula’s southern border with Germany.

After the detonations, just as Cjeese scientists had predicted, the peninsula broke cleanly away from continental Europe as a freely floating island. Then, by reversing the power in the area’s numerous wind turbines so as to become huge propellers, the Cjeese attempted to motor the now Jut-island away from the rest of Denmark through the North Sea, planning to swing around the British Isles and ultimately drop anchor in the Atlantic, a bit west of Portugal.

This secessionist plot, mind boggling in scale and audacity, ultimately failed when an unusually strong headwind suddenly blew up and prevented the wind turbine propellers from powering the nascent floating landmass more than a kilometer offshore.

Stunned Danish authorities, spotting the turbines spinning furiously as the peninsula centimetered out to sea, swept in and simply pulled the power plugs to swiftly end the insurgent get-away attempt. The powerful wind then pushed Jut-island right back into its original position, becoming once again a part of mainland Europe.

When subsequently caught and brought in for questioning, Cjeese Danish leader Bjorn Borge Bohr, a seasoned wind-power engineer, was unrepentant. “After the ’73 joil crisis, the jreat Dane jovernment pleaded for alternative jenerjy sources. Vee, the Cjeese heads of business, vith our brilliant jenjineers, metallurjists, and mechanics, responded by djeveloping these majnificent vind tjurbines vhich have jlong supplied all of Djenmark’s jelectricity. And jhow vere vee repaid? By sjending 99% of the power vee jenerate in Jutland straijht to the urban hjip-hjopsters over in Copenhagen and leaving us out in the fjorking cold. Vee’re just sick of it, ja. So vee decided to take our tjurbines and tjechnolojy know-how and move someplace fjorking varm. There’s long been sjomething rjotten in Djenmark, and it isn’t us.”

12.09.09

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