Bookies Win Big as Delaware Loses Sports Betting Appeal

PHILADELPHIA – East coast illegal bookies won a major court victory here yesterday, when a federal appeals court ruling prevented Delaware’s state-run casinos from initiating single-game betting on major pro and college sports. Now, betting on games and point spreads remains firmly in the hands of your friendly neighborhood underworld bookmaker, rather than moving into an above-board, legal, regulated environment where profits would lead to lower taxes. Champagne corks were a-popping at Goodfellas’ diners, restaurants, and back-room betting parlors all up and down the Atlantic seaboard last night following the judges‘ announcement. Well done, Feds.

The legal appeal, filed by the pro basketball, football, hockey, and baseball leagues, as well as college’s NCAA, claimed that single game sports betting in Delaware would violate a 1992 federal ban, and moreover, would upset the integrity of the games. Delaware’s loss, thankfully, keeps the integrity of big-time sports completely intact. With paragons of virtue bookies like 'Three Fingers' Vinny and Rocko ''The Weasel' maintaining control over sports gambling, scandals like point-shaving and tanking are certain never to occur and our innocent, sports-loving children won’t be seduced into the well-lit, flashy, noisy, sinners’ haven of a casino.

With yesterday’s court ruling, Delaware’s state executives, themselves, learned a bitter lesson regarding the evils of gambling. The state-run casinos had already invested millions of dollars into site expansions, new equipment, and hiring additional staff, betting on gaining full legal approvals before actually having them in hand. Sorry, Delaware, you lost. Would you like to try another game?

08.25.09

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