Adult Film Actress Nailed in Sex Trial

BEAVER TAIL, Oregon — Veteran porn actress Marianas “Booby Trap” Everest, 42, was found guilty today of sexual harassment, solicitation, and wanton willy waggling in a Superior Court lawsuit brought by two male adult film former co-workers.

Ms. Everest, star in over 10 thousand lesbian skin flicks over the past 20 years, was fined $69 thousand and ordered to perform 69 hours of community service by the all-male jury. As soon as the verdict was announced her employer, Bonky Tonk Productions, issued a statement that “Booby Trap” Everest was thereby terminated for such lewd and unlawful conduct within Bonky Tonk’s walls.

The charges had been filed this past February by Jack “Lumber” Meoff, 24, and Roddick “Longjohn” Hammerhead, 27, both ex-Bonky Tonk employees and once considered rising stars in the gay porn war film genre. The two claimed that Ms. Everest regularly committed sexual improprieties toward them as all rested in a common studio break room, fully unclothed between takes, over a period of two months.

The men specifically accused Marianas of repeatedly grabbing their exposed private parts, making lewd comments about performing unspeakable acts upon their hard, muscular bodies, and even offering them cash to “do some bedroom work” at her home.

Although she had performed in lesbian sex films full-time for two decades, during questioning she described that work as “unfulfilling.” Her testimony revealed Everest as a “lonely cougar” desperately needing an “alpha male to satisfy her raging biological instincts.”

On the stand Marianas readily admitted to all the allegations made by the gay porn actors, saying that “since they had sex for a living and were always naked at work,” she thought nothing of off-camera sexual behavior. Everest also claimed to be completely incredulous that any woman could sexually harass a grown man to begin with.

The testimony took a much different tone once her male accusers took the stand. Meoff disclosed that he regularly suffered nightmares following his unwanted encounters with Ms. Everest. He vividly described waking up sweating and screaming, terrified that hordes of wrinkly, naked old women with whips and chains kept chasing, grabbing, and biting him. He soon became too scared to sleep and has suffered insomnia, the heebie-jeebies, and erectile dysfunction ever since, tragically leaving him unable to work.

Hammerhead testified that Ms. Everest’s repeated comments describing disgusting and incredibly depraved sex acts she wanted to do with him eventually left him totally unable to achieve an erection. As a male porn actor, no erection meant he could no longer work, either.

The jury found Marianas Everest guilty on all counts and quickly agreed on her punishment, already mentioned, which includes no jail time.

As soon as the judge closed the hearing eleven of the jurors, the court bailiff, and the prosecutor all made a beeline and surrounded Marianas and her 44DDDs. Resembling a pack of ravenous wolves, the men lustily consoled her and showered her with business cards offering help with her bedroom work.

The remaining juror rushed to congratulate Meoff and Hammerhead on their victory. He apparently felt a bond with the tormented men and wanted to assist in their recoveries, judging from the obvious bulge in his pants.

The trial’s take-home message is clear. In the American workplace, avoid the common break room at all costs. It’s a place fraught with danger.

08.20.10